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Keys to my Town House

22 March 2012

Empty Home

March 21, 2012

Today I received the keys to my “Palace full of Grace” in town. I have 3 more months to actually move into Ganges and become a “Town Mouse”. I was excited and brought a few rolls of toilet paper, a towel and new hand made soap. All the furniture and boxes from the previous owners were gone. The 2 story house was supremely empty.

I felt lonely and dejected. What AM I doing, leaving my magnificent home I have cherished for 47 years? Even my shepadoodle dog, Daisy, was nervous. She took one look around, bolted out the door and came back triumphantly stinking of dead fish. Smart Poodle! I ought to have consulted with her before buying my Town House. She smelled wretched to my nose and obviously delicious to hers.

So, here is an empty home, uncluttered and serene. Is this what I want? No way.

When the Feng Shui experts talk about clearing your clutter to make space for you to live serenely and creatively, they do encourage you to keep objects that give you pleasure and to place them in specific spots to maximize the energy flow of your home. This makes sense. They also talk of clearing your past so you can be awake to the present. Surrounding yourself with incomplete projects weighs you down.

On my way home in the boat I embraced the scent of salt air and majestic Mt. Maxwell rising out of Burgoyne Bay. The sparkling blue sea, the green forest, the ducks chasing each other in the cove and the Canada Geese pair  flying into the cove making a racket, greeted my dog and me as once again we returned home – to my cluttered log house that is friendly and vibrant with my past history and all the people who have influenced my life.

Bold Bluff Lodge - Tamar's Home

Bold Bluff Lodge - Tamar's Home


Into the bathtub Daisy went. “Sorry Pup, I can’t stand your fishy smell!” She tolerated the insult, standing ever so still as I rubbed shampoo over her curly black hair and rinsed her with a hose. Her reward was a raw bone.

Moving is hard. My resolve falters. This is not fun. I passionately love my old family home. What have I done? Is this for real? Am I really walking away from Bold Bluff?

Perhaps my sorrow is grieving for a chapter in my life that is closing. I will never again be the radiant Mother of 40, who had abundant energy and zest for life – whose whole being was loving, nourishing, protecting a precious baby and child. I will never again be the courageous woman who brought her 12 year old child to Bold Bluff to live full time without a road on a magnificent oceanfront property my parents bought in 1965. The excitement of being close to ocean storms in an open Boston Whaler has vanished. I LOVED gales, and I LOVED it when our power went out for 5-6 days. The sorrow is recognizing I don’t welcome the danger and adventure anymore. Something is shifting in my soul, and it is scary. If I look closely at it, could it be aging? Am I really approaching the last chapter of my life? When I look in the mirror, I can’t believe what I see. Is that really me? Can’t be!

Well, here I am. Of course there is grieving to “moving on”. Maybe this whole process is getting in touch with my own mortality.


5 Responses to “Keys to my Town House”

  1. Robin says:

    As someone who has just packed up a big old farmhouse in Connecticut, full of clutter, and moved to a townhouse in Brooklyn, N.Y. (already furnished) I’m enjoying reading about another person’s experiences. One does indeed, see the scope and spread of ones life in all the mementoes that get packed away. Tamar has had the luxury of being able to take the time to read all the letters she’s found and reminisce, and best of all, return them to their writers and thus reconnect with old friends. I moved rather abruptly and will be sorting and culling from my new home. Either way, it is good to connect with all the threads of one’s life, be grateful for the past experiences and be ready for all the new ones to come in a new home. Tamar presents the advantages of keeping souvenirs, a novel approach to the clutter “problem”. It’s certainly good for nostalgia!

    • Tamar says:

      Robin, thank you for your comments. Good luck sorting from your new home. It must have been a challenge leaving your farm house before you had time to sort through all your stuff.

      I will be doing quite a bit of sorting, too, in my new palace, because time is running out.

      I hope you find treasures of your past and take the time to reminisce and give thanks.

  2. Tamar your new home is now blessed and waiting for you as you move yourself in over these next few months. May you see everything around you and be mindful in keeping the spirit of well being and abundance with you as you settle into your new home.

    Your world continues to unfold and your adventurous nature will serve you well in this transition….blessings my friend

    Always Dolly

    • Tamar says:

      Dolly, thank you! What an amazing ceremony we had with Jill and Maya. I will have to write about it on this Clutter Blog for others to enjoy. Thank you for your support and for being there with us, bringing YOUR creative, loving spirit to my new home. Tamar

  3. David says:

    I’m one of the recipients of Tamar’s letters and photos (written and taken by me) going back many years, and it was so interesting to reread what I wrote her in times past. I’ve also been to her beautiful family home and seashore environment and can almost feel how wrenching it will be to leave. Good luck, Tamar!

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